The Appendix

Overpriced Art at Mom and Pop Coffee Shops

simone — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 21:43:59 +0000

Why are you displaying $750 photographs? I am not at the Soho House. I am at a corner coffee shop. People that pay $750 for a photo of a wave get coffee at the Four Seasons. Not here. Come on………

“Unexpected Item in Bagging Area”

simone — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 23:57:54 +0000

You have got to be kidding me.

What exactly is the robot lady expecting to be in the bagging area?

I could just take a bat to these damn machines.

Spell Checking Cuss Words

simone — Tue, 03 May 2011 21:28:54 +0000

Why are they not in the spell check dictionary on my smart phone?

Price Available Upon Request

simone — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 21:47:07 +0000

So lame.

Don’t know what is more lame; the fact that something is priced so high, it derives its worth from being so overpriced versus having any intrinsic value OR that people pay for something so overpriced.

Typical items associated with this tagline are: couture clothing, villa homes, yachts, crocodile purses.

Best things in life aren’t things.

Bags for Bananas

simone — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 06:32:48 +0000

Why?

Magic Wand to Move Poorly Parallel Parked Cars

simone — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 20:02:52 +0000

I want to know who taught you how to park. They should be fired.

Pull all the way forward. Scoot all the way back. Do not park in the middle of the sidewalk in some arbitrary spot. Do not leave gaping spaces not big enough for a Mini Copper or Smart car, but too small for a motorcycle.

Park like you will be rewarded for your consideration. Because, inevitably, you will be.

Faded Dynasty-Era Posters in the Windows of Dry Cleaners

simone — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 21:31:24 +0000

Honestly. What gives? All have that signature robin-egg blue fade, no matter what…

Is there a Dry Cleaner mafia which regulates this? You can’t tell me you have been able to ignore the retro-80s bride poster? I mean it is pervasive how many Dry Cleaners flaunt this practice.

I bet it advertises membership to a secret society of the Dry Cleaning underworld.

Motion Sensor Toilets

simone — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 05:47:03 +0000

Pretty sure they’re designed to…just flush?

Prevent potential clogging by flushing after each use?

Wait, what are they supposed to accomplish that we as humans, with little effort, can’t? Sometimes they flush three times before I make it to the sink. They waste water. And, at times, have a refreshing, involuntary backspray if you don’t exit the stall fast enough.

Note: The pyramids in ancient Mesopotamia, South & Central America, inasmuch Egypt were all built without electricity. Nice to know today’s modern human can’t manage the simple task of flushing a toilet after each use.

Street Names

simone — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 18:17:19 +0000

Who gets to name streets? Is there a voting process? Is it all on the developer? Where do they come up with the street name ideas? What’s with boulevard vs. street vs. lane vs. circle vs. road vs. alley?

The best streets are defined not by a name on a sign, but by the moments and memories made while strolling down them.

http://www.streetartutopia.com

Pride

simone — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 05:38:07 +0000

There is no return on investment for pride. Yet, we are often motivated by pride. Why?

It is illogical whichever way we look at it; either you empower pride to preclude you from pursuing something you want; you ignore someone you are attracted to, or you empower pride to preclude you from pursuing something you need; you don’t take a job you consider below you even though you need the money.

Pride should get an emboldened mention in your obituary. Survived by….pride and... Because it is only in death that your memory is able to fully acknowledge the potency of something which hijacked all the accomplishments that could have been written instead.